If I ever needed a sign I think I got it today. I’m not saying my life is in shambles but I am finding it more difficult to actively engage myself in just about anything. Today is Tuesday, just like any other Tuesday I woke up, took a shower, put on my work clothes, came to the office had a cup of coffee and opened up my email and began my workday. My best friend and I are almost 100% certain we are going through a pre-quarter life crisis (the pre- is because in about 6 months we will be 25 and the actual quarter-life crisis will occur). I think I was in denial until about 20 minutes ago when I went to the restroom and noticed my underwear on inside out. *facepalm*
So I have decided. If I can’t put my underwear on right then I need to do something about it. I have a great job, great friends, and a loving family. I have changed my job almost religiously every 6 months for the past year and a half. I always left because I never felt any of the work I did was truly fulfilling (it was for the companies pocketbook; that’s about it). Working for United Way of Mahaska County has been a true #blessing. It has opened many opportunities for me in the short six months I’ve been here. I am by no means seeking new employment for the first time in six-months and boy does it feel nice. I have added a few crazy ventures into my life like being the Head Coach for Wrestling Cheerleading at my high school alma mater and promoting a coffee that keeps me going every day and is cutting the number of nugs I eat on the reg by half (#Thankfully). SO… WHY AM I WANTING MORE? I read through the last few things I’ve typed and think why are you complaining? You’ve got it made. Why am I searching for the next thing? It was clear to me today when I was FaceTiming my bestie and we both agreed with the statement “I feel like, I keep myself busy to nullify my emotional mind.” This isn’t the first time I’d thought about this. I’m constantly running away from feelings, specifically my own on just about any topic. It’s almost as if I distract myself with work and other activities then emotion is something I don’t have to deal with.
“I feel like, I keep myself busy to nullify my emotional mind.”
All of a sudden so many things make sense (insert Messiah’s “Hallelujah Chorus”) -. I used to attribute some form of burnout in the lines of work I have previously been in (retail, restaurants, and administrative work); which I think there still was some, but ultimately it came down to I worked myself out of a job. I took myself from putting on my underwear correctly every day to forcing myself to put it on inside out. I’m taking a stand and telling myself no longer will I nullify myself, I will let my emotions roll, and I will actively put my underwear on correctly from here on out. SO here it is. Whether I’m going to like this or not I’m going to be blogging on a regular basis to make sure I keep my underwear on correct.
-Tim G. 🙂